Mr. Bobby Kincaid

Mr. Bobby Kincaid

Several years ago, I was fortunate to meet my friend Julie: a fellow sassy, Southern lady with an accent as thick as molasses, a big belief in “the higher the hair, the closer to God,” and a soul as sweet as sugar. We just clicked.

Now, I tell you that to tell you this…Sometimes I still find myself filled with jitters. That was precisely the predicament that I found myself in a few Saturdays ago, as I drove to my interview. Why? The interview just mattered to me and I was wanting to make a good impression. It was my friend Julie’s father that I was interviewing, and Mr. Bobby had also been good friends with my Papa Cecil. Although I had done several interviews previously, I was still filled with nerves.

Last summer, as I was perusing through the Carter’s outlet in St. Augustine, trying to help Rheba find some cute little outfits for several of her friends’ upcoming baby showers. My phone dinged. A dear friend of mine had sent me a message saying that she knew of the perfect person that I needed to interview. He had been a Vietnam Veteran, and she just thought that his story would make for a great interview. I explained that I was currently on vacation, but would love to. As previously mentioned in another blog post, I was in the midst of my writer’s break, and it took me some time to pick all of this back up.

Back to last Saturday, upon entering the Kincaid’s home, my nerves were completely put at ease. I believe the first words that came from Mr. Kincaid’s mouth after being introduced were “So, you’re Cornbread’s granddaughter?” –Author’s note, because this may confuse a bunch of people. While my dad was ALSO nicknamed “Cornbread,” the original “Cornbread” was my Papa Cecil.—It blessed my heart to hear him talk about my Papa Cecil. See, he died a month before I was born, so I never got to meet him. Over the years, I have heard so much about him, and heard how big of a character he was. Mr. Kincaid told me “You would have loved him had you known him. He was good man.”

It was an amazing experience to sit down and speak with Mr. Bobby.  He was fortunate enough during his service in Vietnam to have a little Instamatic camera.  I was blown away at all of the photos he had taken over there. 

Sitting down with Mr. Bobby, Mrs. Violet, and Julie, was just like sitting down with family. They were so warm and welcoming. We laughed, and talked, and as the interview drew to a close, I counted myself blessed to have gained Mr. Bobby and Mrs. Violet as friends.

What is your full name?
"Bobby Bruce Kincaid."

How did you get your name?
"From the Kentucky hills, I guess. My middle name is after one of my uncles. My Uncle Bruce."

Did you have any nicknames?
"No."
Mrs. Violet: "I think 'Bobby' is a nickname. Back then, they named them whatever they were going to call them. If they were going to call them 'Bobby,' they just went ahead and named them Bobby."

When and where were you born?
"I was born November 4, 1948 in Oneida, Kentucky. That's Eastern Kentucky. If you go straight up 75, and get up to London, Kentucky and turn off, you go about 45 miles to go to where i was born."

How in the world did you make it to Trenton?
"My mama was a school teacher. We moved to Florida. My dad had one lung and one kidney; we moved down here for the climate for him. She taught school. We lived at Flagler Beach to start with, then we came to Dixie County…to Jena. We lived there, and I graduated from Dixie County High School."

What were the best memories with your father?
"Daddy was a good person. He taught me a lot of things….carpentry work; how to shoot a rifle, shotgun; bees; chickens; squirrels; taught me how to shoot squirrels in one shot…that's all you got."

What were the best memories with your mother?
"There was a lot of them…I went to college with her when she was going to Deland College…Stetson. Me and my sister both did. When we lived at Flagler Beach, she went to Stetson. She'd take us to the beach."

How do you remember holidays growing up?
(He laughs) "When we grew up, holidays were just another day. Christmas was sort of special, we'd get a little hard candy, and an apple and an orange. As far as gifts go, I don't remember ever getting that many gifts. It was just…family."

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Mr. Bobby: "I never did give it a lot of thought. I went to work for Violet's daddy when I was 12 years old. He had a fish house….a fish business. I love working."
Julie:  "Literally….literally. He loves working."
Mr. Bobby: "I loved working for Violet's dad. He was a good man. He taught me a lot about fish…life…doing things."

What was your favorite food that your mother/father made?
Mr. Bobby: "Daddy used to fry some really good pork and potato cakes. And mother could make the best cornbread you could ever eat. She made some fried chicken that could beat Colonel Sanders all to pieces."
Mrs. Violet:  "Well, she was from Kentucky."
Mr. Bobby: "She was about 40 miles from where Colonel Sanders came out with the Kentucky Fried Chicken."

So you said your first job was at the fish house?
"Yep. I worked there all through high school. And at Dan Stewart's crab plant."

Mrs. Violet and Mr. Bobby

Where did you meet Mrs. Violet?
Mr. Bobby: "First day I ever saw Violet, I was 9 or 10 years old, I guess. I said 'That's gonna be my wife.'"
Julie:  "She said 'no way!' He was fat around as he was tall."
Mrs. Violet:  "I guess he'd come home with my brother, Arthur."
Mr. Bobby: "Yep. I'd gone home with her brother. I went home and told mother and dad that I was going to marry Violet. She was a little older than I was…four years older. We've been married now 50 years."

What was the first thing you noticed about her?
"Just her face. She was just pretty."

Well, I think we've already covered this…but when did you know she was the one?
"The first time I ever saw her." 

Mr. Bobby and Mrs. Violet on their wedding day in Jena, FL.

Tell me about your wedding.
Mrs. Violet: "It was simple…fast. He'd already joined the Marine Corps. So, we knew if I was going to be able to go see him, or spend any time with him, we were gonna have to get married. You didn't live together in those days. I mean, you got married! We knew we better get married before he left. It worked out, I got to fly out to California two times before he went to Vietnam. I lived up in North Carolina for six months before he went to a school. We lived in a little trailer." 

Mr. Violet in Gainesville.

Tell me about North Carolina. What part of North Carolina were y'all at?
Mr Bobby: "In Jacksonville, North Carolina."
Mrs Violet: "At Camp Lejeune. We had no money."
Julie: "It was purely love" (laughs).
Mrs. Violet: "Like I'd said, we stayed in this little trailer. And the first night I got up there, it was Halloween. Well, here come all these kids to our little trailer and they had their sacks and stuff. We didn't have any candy or anything in there! But I did have a lot of quarters! So, I just started dropping them in their bags. (She laughs) Bobby said later 'Boy, you were sure droppin those quarters!' I said 'There wasn't anything else to give them!'"

Julie: "No clean clothes this week!"
Mrs. Violet: "That's true! There, you had to go to the laundromat to do your laundry. It's a good laugh now, but it wasn't as funny then!"

What would y'all say the key to a happy marriage is?
Mrs. Violet: "Forget. Let bygones be bygones."
Mr. Bobby: "You have to live every day like it's the last day you may have together."

What were your memories when you and Mrs. Violet were expecting your first baby?
Mr. Bobby: "Oh, it was great….She was aggravating."
(Laughter erupts at the table)
Mrs. Violet: "The day before I had Bruce, we were down at his mothers…we had made her a concrete room to put her junk in. I had been pushing wheelbarrows of concrete all day for him to put the blocks up. And he said 'It better be a boy!'" And the next morning, I went into labor. All I could think was: 'It better be a boy!' Then he came to the hospital, and came in the room and said 'Now remember how to breathe like the doctor told you.' I said 'I'm lucky to be breathing, so you just get out of here!' (She laughs) And he went back to work!"
Julie giggles: "He left her!"
Mrs. Violet: "He went back to the Post Office, but he came back in a little while." 

What has been your proudest moment as a parent?
Mr. Bobby: "Birth of our children."

What has been the hardest moment as a parent?
Mr. Bobby: "I guess just seeing them struggle with life, really."

Now what's the best part about being a grandpa?
Mr. Bobby: "Being a grandpa, you want them to excel. I always enjoyed watching them play sports. Kade, Alex, and Zachary. I used to love watching them play football. Now, being a Great-Grandpa…well, that's even better. We've got one great-granddaughter we haven't seen yet, except on Facebook. She was born out in Alaska. She's four months-old now."
Mrs. Julie: "She'll be at Fort Campbell soon, so we'll get to go see her."
Mrs. Violet: "They're in the military, so they're moving there next month."

What is something that you wish you would've known when you were younger?
"I guess…how to manage money better."

What advice would you give a young person?
"Well, I've tried to point these grandsons in the direction of going into the military and staying."

What would be the legacy you would want to be known for?
Mr. Bobby: "Being a good daddy, I guess."
Julie: "He and mama have that covered. They have been the very best parents. They ARE the best parents. They haven't stopped. They didn't stop with us. They've even had grandkids live with them."
Mrs. Violet laughs and says, "I think we need a vacation. I've never worked this hard in my life." 

Mr. Bobby in Phu Bai, shown with his I-55 Gun

Now, in regards to Vietnam, what is something that most people didn't realize about the war?
"Back then, sugar, we were 19 years old. Ninety-nine percent of the people were patriotic. It was your duty to serve your country. Something that most people didn't realize was that it was hot and then it was cold. Now I see where it was foolish war. A lot of guys got killed for nothing. It's like, with Khe Sanh. We held that for a long time. Then, in 1968, right after all of the siege we went through holding it, they just disbanded it, and tore the base down. Supposedly it's strategic and all that, but I don't know. I guess we'll never know the whole truth about it.

On the left, Mr. Bobby is photographed in Khe Sahn.   On the right, he is photographed with the Sergeant's dog, Auggie in Phu Bai.

When did they tear it down?

Mr. Bobby: "June of 1968."
Julie: "Hadn't you said that in March, President Johnson had ordered them to hold it at all cost? And there were so many men who died when they were holding it. Then, they just let it go."
Mr. Bobby: "Supposedly, the North Vietnamese were going to use it as another Dien Bien Phu. That was when the French got defeated, and they annihilated a bunch of Frenchmen. They were going to use Khe Sanh as other Dien Bien Phu and annihilate us, but it didn't work that way. 

  Gary Groulx and Mr. Bobby in Khe Sanh.  "I got wounded but he kept me from getting killed.  We had started out, and he grabbed me.  The mortar landed in front of us.  I got a piece in my hand, but we didn't get hit directly.  On our way to Dong Ha from Khe Sahn. --In this picture, I have a cookie in my mouth...you had to eat whenever you could."

The top and bottom left are photos of the bridge over the Perfume River in Phu Bai, the bottom right is a photo of a cathedral in Phu Bai City.  All were taken in 1967.

Where all were you stationed over there?
"I landed in Danang. I went to Phu Bai. I was in the 155 Artillery Outfit in Phu Bai. Then, I made Sergeant, and I got transferred to a Mobile 105 Outfit in the latter part of November or early December of '67. We went from there, we went to Dong Ha, then we were all up in there: Chu Bai, Kihn Te, Khe Sanh, then all up in the I Corps. That was where I was at. The Quang Tri Province, I think is what they call it, if I remember correctly.

The convoy on the Road to Khe Sahn

Top:  Mr Bobby (center) with Ken Bartels (right) in Khe Sanh.  Bottom left:  "The Jolliest man you would ever hope to meet." (In Phu Bai).  Bottom right (taken in Khe Sanh): "Jim, standing in front of the building that housed all of the radio equipment. This kept us in contact with all the patrols and stuff that we fired support for.  This was linked to the artillery pieces and the radios for the Marines in the field that needed fire support.  We had some of the best people in the world there."

"Those little white patches on their backs, those were for the night.  If you were on patrol at night, you could see the guy in front of you.  We were on patrol outside of Phu Bai there."

The top photo appears to be snow, but actually it is sand.  The bottom photo is of their water supply.  Both photos were taken in Dong Ha.

How was it different from the US over there?

"It was like night and day. In the places I was at. Now some places a lot of people were at, in Southern Vietnam, there were bigger cities. We weren't in any cities. We went through Phu Bai, which was a city, when we were going to Dong Ha, but other than that, I was never in a city. We went through villages. on patrols, but I was never in a city. Now, when I was in Khe Sanh, there were a big attack on Phu Bai, the city, and a lot of Marines were in that battle. I was in Khe Sanh then.

Mr. Bobby (left) and friends in the 109 Artillery in Dong Ha.

Describe the moment you found out you were coming home.

"Well, everybody had what they called a 'short-timers calendar' that they started at six months. One hundred and eighty days, and you could mark off the days. You'd have the little calendar and you'd mark off that day, until it got down to your day. Then, you were 'going back to the world' as they said."

These picture show how close the Vietnamese got to their base. These photos were taken in Khe Sanh.

Did you ever face any criticism returning from war?
"We had that. I got out of the Marine Corps when I came home. I came home on June 13th, the day before mine and Violet's anniversary. I got out eight days later. Whenever we got to California coming home, at the airports, there were younger people hollering at you. They said we were 'baby killers' and all that kind of stuff. That was false. People didn't do that. It might have happened later on after I left there, but we never had that. I never saw it happen, or any drugs of any kind where I was at. They said later there were a lot of drugs. But I never came in contact with any of that….or anybody with them, that I knew of. See, you had to depend upon your buddy, and he had to depend upon you. You weren't doing anything to jeopardize anybody else's life."

Do you have any specific memories of working at Georgia Pacific?
"I was fresh out of the Marine Corps, and your granddad (Cornbread/Papa Cecil) took me under his wing. He taught me a lot about millwright work, and welding, and just, in general, if something was tore up, how to fix it. He was good at it. He was patient. He was some of the best memories I had there. I worked my way up from there to a Superintendent at the Sawmill in Cross City. The best times I had there were with Cornbread, James Carraway, and the people I worked with."

"I'd never been so mad as one time with your grandpa. I came to work and saw Cornbread using the jackhammer to break up concrete. He'd just gotten back to work from having a heart attack. I walked into the supervisors office. Shut the door…locked it. I told him that he had two minutes to get Cornbread off of that jackhammer or I was going to beat him (the supervisor) up. I told him that I would do that work, but he was going to get Cornbread off of that and quick."

"All of my coworkers were really just good people."

You've spoke some about working different places, where all have you worked?
"I worked for the Post Office…boringest job I've ever had in my life. I worked at the plywood plant. When I was going to college, I worked as a jailer at Alachua County Jail. Then, I worked back at GP. The Cross City Sawmill. I worked at some shut downs before…Buckeye in Perry. Then, after GP and Cross City Sawmill, Louis Overstreet and I started a little sawmill right here in Trenton. That's when we actually moved to Trenton. That was in 1980, and we've been here ever since." 

Mr. Bobby and Mrs. Violet (center), with many of their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

Now what are some things you're looking forward to in the future?
Mrs. Violet: "For him to retire"
Julie: "He still works 60 and 70 hours per week."
Mr. Bobby: "We sold our land to Ron St. John. He asked me to help him…he's planted new groves of olive trees. He asked me to work with him on that. I've been working with him about a year and a half."
Julie: "First, he was mulching up trees, now he's gonna grow them."
Mr. Bobby: "I really like it. It's a learning experience. And it's a full-time job, doing it. It's rewarding, to see the trees growing."