Sunday, January 28, 2018

A Year In Review: Mrs. Wanda Kay Mathis


Mrs. Wanda Kay "Katie" Matthis
Two weekends ago, I was able to have lunch with one of the most genuine souls I think I've ever met.  She just exudes joy; and is kind to the core.

You see, I've been hearing about Mrs. Wanda for quite some time.  My mama, also known as Cynthia Kay, spends her Wednesdays at Pine Grove Baptist helping prepare the meal for Wednesday night dinners.  Mama typically takes care of baking the desserts, and Mrs. Wanda takes care of the cooking, along with some other sweet helpers.  Mrs. Wanda actually attends another church, but her cooking abilities preceded her, and she was asked if she could cook for Pine Grove when another lady stepped down.  Her cooking is widely known throughout Trenton....she even cooks many Fridays during football season for the Trenton Tiger Football Team.

My mama absolutely adores Mrs. Wanda, and upon meeting her, I completely understand.  She is a blessing to be around, and my spirits were just uplifted after meeting her.  I so hope you will enjoy her interview.

Cynthia Kay and Wanda Kay :)
What is your full name?

"Wanda Kay Mathis"

How did you get your name?
"My dad had two great-nieces. One was named 'Wanda,' the other's middle name was named 'Kay.' So they put them together. My mom wanted to name me 'Artencia' but my dad hated it. I have a niece named Artencia. My sister kept that name. I'm a better 'Wanda.'"

Did you have any nicknames? 

"'Katie.' So if you ever hear anyone say 'Hey Mrs. Katie' that's me. Most of my family calls me Katie, very seldom do they call me Wanda."

When and where were you born?

"I was born in Gainesville on January 9, 1971."

Mrs. Wanda and two grandbabies: NaHarmoni and Aiden.
What were your best memories with your father?

"My best memories with my father was on the farm. We were raised on a farm. My dad worked for the Quinceys for years. Stacey Quincey. Those were my best memories with him."

What were your best memories with your mother?

"Shopping. She loved to shop. Boutiques, consignment, malls…it didn't matter. She loved to shop. She could find something anywhere. She'd save money, she'd spend money. We never went without. It wasn't that we had the money…Most other kids might have had bigger homes, nicer homes, but we never went without…food, clothes, we never went without."

What did you want to be when you grew up?
"A teacher. I wanted to be a teacher. When I was little, I would write on everything. I had my books. Seriously. I wanted to be a teacher. Not now. Now, I know it's not for me. I'd rather stay cookin'."

This photo was taken at Mrs. Bertha Walton's Funeral (Mrs. Wanda's Granny).  Mrs. Wanda is shown (bottom center); with her daughter Tassie (to her right); her nieces, Renee, Ebony, Shanae; her sister, Tan; and her nephew, Jamari.
How do you remember holidays growing up?

"Oh, holidays? Always people around. My relatives, my aunts, my uncles, my grandmother, my granddad, my family.  Food. We would play games. That was every holiday. That's why I learned how to cook so much…for big groups. And out of my mom and dad, I couldn't tell you which one could cook the best. He cooked what she cooked, she cooked what he cooked. They both were good cooks. Holidays were the best days. Now, a lot of my older relatives have passed on, so we're training the younger generation up. Same thing. Family first."

What was your favorite food growing up?

"Fried chicken, greens, Mom's macaroni and cheese, Dad's lima beans. I used to throw down on some lima beans. And he used to grill a lot, and that was always good. But fried chicken…fried chicken is my favorite. It's my grandson's favorite too. I'll probably wind up cooking some today. He loves some fried chicken."

What was your first job?

"Watermelon field. Tobacco. Peanuts. Anything that had to do with farming."

Where did you meet your spouse?

"Believe it or not, I was with a friend, and we'd gone to her boyfriend's house. The next door neighbor was having a cookout and we were invited over. So, I met him at a cookout in Bronson. He was originally from Philadelphia, but his family moved down in '79 or '80 to Marianna, Florida."

What was the first thing that you noticed about him/her?

"His smile. He smiles all the time. Even now, still to this day."

How did you know that he was the one?

"It was how he treated me. With my size, he wasn't ashamed of me or anything. That's what made me fall in love with him."

Mrs. Wanda's church used to be at the Ice House, this is where her wedding was held.
Tell me about your wedding.

"In Trenton. Got married at our church, Jesus Way Church of Deliverance. It was nice. My son was the ring-bearer. We got married on December 19, 1992. My grandmother, my mom, everyone was there. My dad wasn't there, he had passed away in 1988. The colors were lavender and cream white."

How many years have you been married?

"24 years. 25 in December."

What is the key to a happy marriage?

"Being friends. Friendship. Enjoying each other's company. Sometimes, people who are together…they might not do the same things. You may go one way, they may go their way. But still…you've got to have your 'me' time and then have you have your together time. We used to go fishing, go to our kid's games. You've got to be friends first."

Photo taken at NaHarmoni's 2nd birthday. (Left to Right) Tassie, Josh, NaHarmoni, Mrs. Wanda, Aiden, Adrienne and Brandon.
What were your memories of expecting your first child? 

"Scared. I didn't know what to expect! I heard a girl 2 doors down screaming and it scared me! I was thinking 'Lord, get me out of this!' But then after that, no worries, no problems. Just excited. It was just fear the first time, because you don't know what to expect. And she was my smallest child. Tassie was 6 lbs 11 oz. Brandon was 9 lbs 13 oz. Adrienne was 8 lbs 14oz. Leondre was 8 lbs 13 oz. Josh was 7 lbs. 8 oz."

If you could sum up each child with one word, what would those words be?

"Tassie would be 'giving.' Brandon would be 'devoted.' Adrienne would be 'hardworking.' Leondre would be 'caring.' Josh would be 'millionaire' because he loves money."

NaHarmoni's Birthday Party: (Left to right) NaHarmoni, Mrs. Wanda, Aiden, Adrienne,  Brandon and Josh.
What was your proudest moment as a parent?
"Graduation. Seeing them graduate."

What was your hardest moment as a parent?

"Seeing them leave home. When my middle son went to prison. That tore me up. I had to pray for God to give me strength. But when they started getting grown, marrying off and leaving home. That was hard. I thought it was bad when they went to Kindergarten, because I cried. But I got over that. When they graduated and started leaving home? That hurt."

What do you wish you had known when you were younger?
"Take my time. Slow down in life. I wish I'd known that. Stay in school. See, I quit school. That's why I was so proud to see my kids graduate! But I wish I would've taken my time instead of trying to be grown. I wish I'd have listened to my parents."

What advice would you give a young person?

"It's really according to the person. To sum it up though…It's best to know the Lord. That's the best advice. When you don't have anyone to fall back on, He is always there. This young generation, they don't have what we had. I had my elders to go to. Now they don't. Don't think you know it all. Always be willing to learn."

This photo was taken at Akins during a Church Family lunch outing:  Mrs. Wanda, with Ms. Essie, Ms Christine and Ms. Carmen.
What legacy would you like to be known for? 

"As a servant. My life…I get a thrill in being there for people. Whether it be just as a listener, or being there to do something for someone. Even by cooking and seeing people enjoy their meal, that makes me feel good. Sometimes the in the middle of the night, if someone is sick and needs to go to the hospital, I'm willing to take them. I'm just willing to serve. I want people to remember me as a true woman of God and that I really loved family and people. I want them to remember that I lived what I preached."

In your words, what is the key to happiness?

"Driving in your own lane. Happiness to me is loving your family. Taking one day at a time. If something comes up, I try to figure out what to do to make it better."

Adrienne, Ms. Carmen, Ms. Pat, and Mrs. Wanda at a Trenton Tigers' Game.
Of all of the places you have traveled to, what has been your favorite?

"There are two. The first is when they took me up to Pennsylvania, and they took me up to see Niagra Falls on that trip. I went to see Niagra Falls at night. It was so beautiful. We were staying in a town in between Pennsylvania and Buffalo, New York.  The grass, the mountains, it was just beautiful. AND there was a Walmart. They had told me I didn't have to do anything, but no... I wanted to do something for them, so I was going to cook. I took my son to Walmart at like 1 a.m. I went in there looking for grits.  I asked a worker if they had grits. He said, 'we have cream of wheat.' (She laughs)   They did end up finding a small variety pack of grits. But that's not the real stuff. They told me about a kind of bread they make, like a cinnamon bread…with the icing on it. So, that's what I fixed, with patty sausage. The one thing about that trip was…my son drove me. And everywhere we stopped, to fill up, we were taking pictures. It was just so pretty!"

Mrs. Wanda and Josh on the Bahama cruise
"My other favorite trip is when I went to the Bahamas.  I went on a cruise ship and it was just amazing. Mrs. Pat Lindsey surprised me and Josh with that trip. Me and Pat are like sisters. She knew the first time I had wanted to go, my Mother in Law had gotten sick, and I couldn't go. Pat and my kids got the money up, and everything was paid for, for me and Josh to go."

What is your favorite dish to make?

"I guess fried chicken."

A Saturday night dinner:  Mrs. Wanda's good cookin'.
How would you describe your cooking style? 

"Soul food. Southern soul food."
What advice would you give to someone that doesn't know how to cook? 

"First of all, you've got to take your time. If you don't have a passion for cooking, it'll have to grow in you. So, take your time. Don't make a big meal at first. Start small. Go from there."

How would you define "Southern Lady?"

"A Southern lady is a lady that can multi-task. She can clean, she can cook, she can go out in the field and get dirty. She takes care of her children. If she has to get her hands dirty, she don't mind; and she can be classy at the same time. Southern ladies do it all."

A photo of Mrs. Wanda's Church:  The Jesus Way Church of Deliverance
Pearls of Wisdom and other stories from Mrs. Wanda: 

"My father died May 8, 1988. I was 17. It tore me up. Now, let me tell y'all something amazing. I wasn't saved. I knew about church. But I wasn't a churchgoer. I was in Cross City that weekend visiting my sister. I went to bed that Saturday night and I had a dream. And in my dream, I came out of my sister's house. She lived in a wooden house. I came out and stepped on the porch. I looked up and the sky was beautiful. Then, all of a sudden, it started turning grey and the white clouds disappeared. I looked up thinking, 'What in the world is going on?' I saw something falling. It finally got to where I could see what it was and I realized it was a white feather. One single white feather. I kept watching it all. And when it finally hit the ground, it swooped back and forth until it settled. And when it settled, it turned into a piece of paper. As God is my witness, I walked down the steps, and I grabbed the piece of paper. It was my dad's obituary. On the obituary, it had that he passed in May. It had that he was born in October, and that he passed in May. And when i picked it up in my dream, I started crying. I saw a police officer coming up. Have you ever heard of Mr. Ridgeway? It was Mr. Ridgeway. He was coming up in his car. He said (in my dream) 'I've come to give you some bad news.' And I just kept crying. That's how I woke up. I called my sister and I asked for mama. Mama was working. I asked them to come get me. I didn't tell them what happened. I cried until they came to Cross City and picked me up. And I cried the whole way home. That next day, I went to the nursing home. He was at Ayers then. He had prostate cancer. When I went into that nursing home, I fell on my knees and cried. I didn't tell him about the dream though. I cried and cried. I cried until a little bit of the hurt got off of me. Then I got up, and I felt a little better. This was all in April. In May, it was on Mother's Day. I woke up feeling bad. There used to be a little place in Williston called 'Frogs'…just a little juke. My friends and I were supposed to be going for Mother's Day. They came to pick me up and I told them I couldn't go. I just wasn't feeling good. I mean, I felt so bad. They went on. I stayed in the house all day. My mom was at work. I went down to my Granny's house. My granny said 'Katie, where you been all day?' I said, 'Granny, I've been sick. I've been in the bed all day.' She said, 'I knew you'd have been here, to tell me Happy Mother's Day and what not. You hadn't come to eat or nothing!' She asked me if I wanted to eat, I said no. But she told me I needed to have something in my stomach, so she went and made me a little bowl of banana pudding. While she was fixin the banana pudding the phone rang. She didn't have a phone in the kitchen. It was in her room, by her recliner, where she'd sit and watch her stories. She walked in and answered the phone, and I heard her say 'Oh my God.' I knew. I knew it was my dad. She came out and said, just like the officer in my dream did, she said 'Katie, I've got some bad news.' I said 'I already know.' I said 'Granny, I never understood it until I gave my life to the Lord, but He had shown me.' It tore me up. When I say it tore me up, it tore me up. But I think that day that I got to be with him, that was my grieving day. But I never told anyone about the dream until after he passed. My mom passed February 25, 1999…and I was right there. There were no problems then, I knew the Lord, I'd been praying. Until she took her last breath, I was right there with her. I took care of her for five years, because she'd had a stroke. There was a difference, like night and day, when my dad passed away and when my mom passed away. Jesus has known me always, but I didn't know Him when my dad passed. Sometimes people fear things. But God, He let's us know things to prepare us. That way when it happens…it may hurt, but not as bad."

"Now that I'm older, I understand how the Circle of Life goes, and it's all in God's hands. Some people He restores, and some people He doesn't. Now I know that everyday is a blessing. I love my kids. And everyday, when I meet somebody…I don't meet no strangers. However they take it, that's that. Sometimes I see somebody and they shy away, but I love them. That's the best way of getting through life. There's enough heartache to take you down. Now I tell my kids, and everyone I witness to, 'live life one day at a time. If you're not careful you'll miss what's in front of you.'"

"When I start getting to the point where I feel aggravation setting in, I'll go visit somebody or go witness to somebody. or go cook for somebody. That's what lifts me up."

Josh and Mrs. Wanda at the Tigers' first championship game.
"I kid a lot about my cooking being the reason the Tigers' have won a few championships."

"You have to multi-task. I wash dishes as I go. Because once I'm done, that's it. 'Til everyone goes home. Then I'll get up, clean up, take out the trash and all. But I try to clean as I go."

"I used to be 500 pounds. I've been big all my life. And it never slowed me down. In 2009, I saw a movie 'What's eating Gilbert Grape.' Their mom was big, and in the movie, she always slept downstairs, but she finally went upstairs, and she laid down in the bed up there, and she passed. Well, they couldn't get her out of the house. They ended up cremating her in the house. And I thought 'I'd never want my kids to go through something like that.' That was horrible. And it got me to thinking all kinds of things. So I prayed about it. I started eating right, and drinking lemon water. I went from 540 in 2009. At the end of 2010, I was 370. In 2011, I got weighed in May and I was 264. I ate smaller portions. I walked. When I started losing weight, and my kids looked at old pictures, they said 'Oh mama, I didn't realize you were that big.' They hadn't seen it. They were blinded by their mama's love."

"In 2012, I noticed I couldn't walk too far. When my sister in law passed, we had to go to the airport, and I couldn't even walk in there, it was like I'd ran up a flight of stairs. I knew something was wrong with me. I drove all the way to West Florida, feeling bad, went to the funeral. They had to help me in. I came home that Sunday night and planned to go to the doctor the next day. I should've went to the Emergency Room. That Monday morning, I remember sending James to school. Bianca came and picked up James. I went into my room to get clothes to go to the doctor, that's all I remember. I remember grabbing the dresser saying 'Jesus save me.' I heard voices, saw lights, doctor's asking me questions. Later, my husband said that he heard me hit the floor. It was the Lord, now. The way I should've landed would've had me hitting the corner of the other dresser with my head. But my body turned, and I fell in between it. He couldn't find my cell phone. He ran to two of my neighbors houses. He ended up seeing my sister. and she ran in and found my phone. It's by the grace of God that I'm here today. I had a huge blood clot. We had special doctors come in and they said it was too large. They told my kids all they could do was pray. I told my kids I was in the Lord's hands. I told them if it was His Will, it would be alright. If not, I know where I'm going."

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Mrs. Wanda survived that ordeal.  She had a purpose not yet fulfilled.  She had more folks to bring joy to.  She had more people to witness to.  And this author, for one, is blessed to have had the opportunity to meet her.  She is an extraordinary human being.  One who never meets a stranger.  If ever you see her around Trenton, stop and say hello.  Believe me, your day will be made better.  

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