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| Summer Tillis Bailey |
Mrs. Summer Tillis Bailey
Tell me a little bit about yourself.
I am a 34-year-old mother of two. I have a 4-year-old son, Wyatt and a 2-year-old daughter, Lorelei. I grew up in Chiefland and graduated from Florida State University with a Bachelors in Humanities with a concentration in Asian Studies. I now reside in Okinawa, Japan, with my husband Adam, a United States Marine Corps SSgt, our two kids and our Boxer named Tucker. We are set to PCS (Permanent Change of Station) to Camp Pendleton in California in a couple of months.
What is your favorite movie?
Do I really have to pick just one movie? I love Steel Magnolias, Hope Floats, A League of Their Own, 9 to 5, Hocus Pocus, Something's Got To Give, The Goonies, and Schindler's List.
Of all the places you’ve traveled, what has been your favorite place?
As a Humanities major, I had the great privilege to participate in several study abroad programs. My favorite place would have to be Rome. The history, rich culture, and food are out of this world! I had the honor of touring the Catacombs located under the Vatican and see first-hand the Tomb of St. Peter. It was indescribable.
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| Adam and Summer on their wedding day. |
Tell me about your wedding.
Adam proposed on my birthday, September 5, 2010 while we were having a Taco Bell picnic during a trip I made to visit him in Maryland. I was still living in Gainesville at the time and we had decided on an April 2011 wedding so that Adam had enough time to request leave. Well, plans change and the only day that was available for both our DJ and photographer was December 11, 2010. We got married that day...just 3 months after we were engaged...and I wasn't pregnant!! With three weeks left until the wedding, our caterer was arrested for tax evasion and his restaurant was shut down, but the Mitchell Brothers came to the rescue! The day finally came and it was perfect. We were married under a huge oak tree at Rustic Ranch in Newberry in front of our family and friends. We left Florida on December 14th with a U-Haul full of junk to start our life together as husband and wife in Maryland.
Adam proposed on my birthday, September 5, 2010 while we were having a Taco Bell picnic during a trip I made to visit him in Maryland. I was still living in Gainesville at the time and we had decided on an April 2011 wedding so that Adam had enough time to request leave. Well, plans change and the only day that was available for both our DJ and photographer was December 11, 2010. We got married that day...just 3 months after we were engaged...and I wasn't pregnant!! With three weeks left until the wedding, our caterer was arrested for tax evasion and his restaurant was shut down, but the Mitchell Brothers came to the rescue! The day finally came and it was perfect. We were married under a huge oak tree at Rustic Ranch in Newberry in front of our family and friends. We left Florida on December 14th with a U-Haul full of junk to start our life together as husband and wife in Maryland.
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| Lorelei, Adam, Summer, and Wyatt |
What are some of the blessings that you’ve experienced through military life?
First off, I learned real quick that I am tougher than I ever gave myself credit for. I learned that I could live 10 hours away from my family and friends (7000 miles away now) and have my husband leave and I survived; and now my kids survive too. I have learned that every day is a blessing and to not take a single day for granted. Death, PTSD, TBI, they are all very real in our community. The friends I have made while living this life have been such a blessing. I love my life-long friends and my college friends, don't get me wrong; but there is something special about friends who understand the struggles you face daily and who bond together to get through deployments or operations. Although, we will eventually go to new duty stations, it is a small military and eventually our paths will cross again and I love that!
First off, I learned real quick that I am tougher than I ever gave myself credit for. I learned that I could live 10 hours away from my family and friends (7000 miles away now) and have my husband leave and I survived; and now my kids survive too. I have learned that every day is a blessing and to not take a single day for granted. Death, PTSD, TBI, they are all very real in our community. The friends I have made while living this life have been such a blessing. I love my life-long friends and my college friends, don't get me wrong; but there is something special about friends who understand the struggles you face daily and who bond together to get through deployments or operations. Although, we will eventually go to new duty stations, it is a small military and eventually our paths will cross again and I love that!
What are some of the struggles you have faced in military life?
Saying "goodbye" or "see you later" is truly difficult. Especially when it comes to my kids. My son said goodbye to his first best friend last summer and still to this day, he asks about him...this is the reality of military life. Military kids move schools and have to start over more times than many can count. When I was a child, the same kids that I attended Kountry Kids with are the same children I graduated high school with. Military kids spend their whole childhood starting over...new friends, new towns, new countries, new schools. On a lighter note, houses!! You buy furniture to fill your home, 3 years later you move to a new house and there isn't room for all of your stuff, so you sell it or give it away to only repeat the process every 3 years until your spouse separates from the military or retires. Obviously, it's difficult being away from friends and family and not having a lot of help. You miss births, weddings, graduation, funerals and the lives of people you care about deeply. It's hard not having a lot of help around. I think our marriages suffer because we don't get a lot of alone time, date nights, etc. because there aren't a lot of people you can ask for help outside of strangers. My heart breaks for military kids because they can't understand why daddy (or mommy) has to miss birthdays, holidays, school events, etc. and you can't make it better. You buy calendars and let the kids mark the days off, you buy daddy dolls so they can fall asleep hugging their daddy. You wipe away more tears than you can count because they just want their parent.
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| Summer, Adam, Lorelei and Wyatt the day that Adam was promoted to SSgt. |
What advice would you give to a young military wife?
My advice would be to not lose yourself. There is this myth in the military community that says “in order to a ‘good wife’ you must network and be seen.” Malarke! If you want to sit home and be a hermit, do it, it doesn't make you any less of a spouse. Just do you and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for being who you are. If you want to go to college, then go. If you want to spend all your free time with your kids, work outside the house, feed the hungry, do it. You can still be a wonderful, supportive spouse without completely involving yourself in your husband's career. Ask yourself, “If I look back at this time in my life, will the choices I made make me happy or will I always feel like I put myself on a back burner?” You are in control of your own happiness.
My advice would be to not lose yourself. There is this myth in the military community that says “in order to a ‘good wife’ you must network and be seen.” Malarke! If you want to sit home and be a hermit, do it, it doesn't make you any less of a spouse. Just do you and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for being who you are. If you want to go to college, then go. If you want to spend all your free time with your kids, work outside the house, feed the hungry, do it. You can still be a wonderful, supportive spouse without completely involving yourself in your husband's career. Ask yourself, “If I look back at this time in my life, will the choices I made make me happy or will I always feel like I put myself on a back burner?” You are in control of your own happiness.
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| A Cherry Blossom at Nikijin Castle |
How is life in Okinawa different? How is it the same?
Obviously, the language barrier is huge. Our children actually speak quite a bit of Japanese which makes me worry a little about returning to the states. Some people miss the access to everything and the convenience of being in the states...I enjoy the escape. You definitely are forced to step outside your comfort zone. We drive on the opposite side of the road on the opposite side of the car. It's the same in the sense because I have my husband and kids and that's all I need. The Okinawans remind me of southerners. Their hospitality and kindness are on a level all its own. You don't tip off-base because they feel that top notch customer service is expected and deserved by everyone. They feel that their compensation is enough. We have tried our best to embrace their culture and to let our children know that peaceful, kind lives are the way to go. I feel like many Americans can learn a thing or two from the Okinawans. The food is very different, but fun to try new things. We always try everything that is given to us and there are definitely some things that once was enough...Goya, bean paste, fermented beans...yeah, no!
Obviously, the language barrier is huge. Our children actually speak quite a bit of Japanese which makes me worry a little about returning to the states. Some people miss the access to everything and the convenience of being in the states...I enjoy the escape. You definitely are forced to step outside your comfort zone. We drive on the opposite side of the road on the opposite side of the car. It's the same in the sense because I have my husband and kids and that's all I need. The Okinawans remind me of southerners. Their hospitality and kindness are on a level all its own. You don't tip off-base because they feel that top notch customer service is expected and deserved by everyone. They feel that their compensation is enough. We have tried our best to embrace their culture and to let our children know that peaceful, kind lives are the way to go. I feel like many Americans can learn a thing or two from the Okinawans. The food is very different, but fun to try new things. We always try everything that is given to us and there are definitely some things that once was enough...Goya, bean paste, fermented beans...yeah, no!
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| Summer and Lorelei with Summer's Coworker dressed in a traditional Okinawan outfit |
How long did it take for you and your family to acclimate in Japan?
When we got here, I was 27-weeks pregnant with Lorelei and Wyatt was 19 months-old, as far as time goes, I probably took the longest; and Adam and Wyatt took just a couple of weeks. We just kind of jumped in and overcame the jet lag and adjustment to the time difference. We got lost A LOT!!! But that is how we found new places to visit or try. Driving was an adjustment; I would always turn my wind shield wipers on instead of my blinker because everything is the opposite over here. I drove on the wrong side of the road once, but luckily no one was around! Learning the conversion rate between US dollars and Yen was interesting, but we survived and learned it little by little.
If you could sum up each of your children in just one word, what would those words be?
I would describe Wyatt as “sensitive” and Lorelei as “unique.”
How is growing up for them different than it was for you growing up?
I feel like when I was growing up, we had a sense of security and stability. I'm sure we were just sheltered and not made aware of the craziness going on in our world. Now with media outlets galore, I feel like our kids don't have that sense of security. My kids get to experience so many places that most people will never have the opportunity to see or do. However, it comes with the cost of moving and starting over a whole lot in one’s childhood when, really, what kids need is stability. So, we try very hard to make their transitions as smooth as possible.
When we got here, I was 27-weeks pregnant with Lorelei and Wyatt was 19 months-old, as far as time goes, I probably took the longest; and Adam and Wyatt took just a couple of weeks. We just kind of jumped in and overcame the jet lag and adjustment to the time difference. We got lost A LOT!!! But that is how we found new places to visit or try. Driving was an adjustment; I would always turn my wind shield wipers on instead of my blinker because everything is the opposite over here. I drove on the wrong side of the road once, but luckily no one was around! Learning the conversion rate between US dollars and Yen was interesting, but we survived and learned it little by little.
If you could sum up each of your children in just one word, what would those words be?
I would describe Wyatt as “sensitive” and Lorelei as “unique.”
How is growing up for them different than it was for you growing up?
I feel like when I was growing up, we had a sense of security and stability. I'm sure we were just sheltered and not made aware of the craziness going on in our world. Now with media outlets galore, I feel like our kids don't have that sense of security. My kids get to experience so many places that most people will never have the opportunity to see or do. However, it comes with the cost of moving and starting over a whole lot in one’s childhood when, really, what kids need is stability. So, we try very hard to make their transitions as smooth as possible.
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| Cherry Blossoms at Mt. Yaedake |
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