Patricia Botton

Shawn and Patricia Botton

Mrs. Patricia Botton

Tell me a bit about yourself.

I am a 29 year old mother of three. I have an almost 9 year old daughter, Gabriella, an almost 6 year old son, Isaiah, and a year and a half old son, Octavius. I was born and raised in a small town right outside of Gainesville, Florida. We just recently relocated to Jacksonville, North Carolina after my husband, Shawn, a SSgt in the United States Marine Corps, finished his tour on the drill field in South Carolina.

Tell me about your wedding.

Well, our love story is probably different from most that you hear about. We actually didn't have a "wedding." We met in November of 2006 and when he was home on leave a few months later, I asked him to marry me. I think I caught him off guard when I asked him, but it surprised me even more when he said yes. So we went to the courthouse in Gainesville and applied for our marriage license, not knowing that we would have to wait 3 days before we could receive it. So we explained to the ladies that were helping us that we didn’t have time to wait the 3 days, as he was getting ready to deploy overseas. They said “why didn’t you tell us sooner”, and allowed us to get married in an adjacent room. Both of those wonderful women were our witnesses and a judge was our officiant. I think the hardest part, looking back, is that none of our family or friends were there to celebrate with us.

How long have you been married?

Shawn and I have been married for 10 years. These past 10 years haven’t been easy on either one of us, but it has always been worth it.

What is your husband’s occupation in the military?

My husband's occupation in the Marine Corps is a Heavy Equipment Operator. He gets to be outside, working on all these huge heavy pieces of equipment, and he probably wouldn’t have it any other way. I have come to learn one major thing about my husband; he could probably never have a desk job. He always has to be on the move; and thankfully, this job allows him to do just that.

What are some of the blessings that you experienced as a military wife?

I think one of the biggest blessings as a military wife is that I have proven to myself that I am one tough behind woman. Dealing with three kids on a day-to-day basis is hard. But then, when your husband has to go on a work up, go to another state or country for a few weeks, or deploy, my job just got 10 times harder. I have been shown that I will have great days and I will have bad days, but I will get through them all and I will be a better person because of it. But let’s be honest here…we all know that the friends we make at every duty station help us through it all. Being a military spouse has allowed me to meet some of the greatest and strongest women I know, and it has allowed me to build some of the best friendships that I have ever had. I am able to ask for their honest opinions, learn from things that they may have gone through, or cry on their shoulder if I need to. The women that I have had the opportunity to call friends have shown me what true friendship is, and for that I am forever thankful.

What are some of the struggles that you have/are facing as a military wife?

Some of the struggles that I have faced being a military spouse aren't easy to talk about. I think one of the worst struggles is when my husband deploys or is gone for months at a time. It takes a toll on both him and I, but more so our kids. Seeing my kids break down when their father leaves truly breaks my heart, and as a mom all I want to do is fix it! But in those moments you can’t, so you try to make it as easy for them as you can. Thankfully Facetime helps!

I think another struggle is the fact that my kids have to say goodbye to their friends. I can remember growing up and the kids that I went to elementary and middle school with are who I graduated high school with. Seeing my kids have to say goodbye to their friends, and knowing we may never cross paths with them again is heartbreaking. I know it will only get worse as my kids get older, but I am hopeful that I can continue to make those transitions as easy as I can.

Shawn, Isaiah, Gabriella, Patricia, and Octavius

How has life been different for your children than other kids their age?

I feel like life is different for my kids versus other kids because they don’t get to experience growing up in the same neighborhood, with the same kids. My parents still live in the same home where I was raised. My kids are lucky enough to be able to travel and experience different places, but as children they need to have as much consistency as possible. Being a military child doesn’t give you that.

I also feel like my kids get exposed to a lot more “real life situations” than other kids their age. Being a part of the military lifestyle, I have the unpleasant job of trying to explain to my kids why one of our friends has PTSD, or what happened to the man they saw whose face was burned. There have been situations where I have had to explain to my children why they won’t ever get to see one of mommy and daddy’s friends again. Having to explain these things to young children are not easy. Especially when the answer you give is then followed up by more questions. I can’t shelter my kids from a lot of things that I want to shelter them from.

Where all have you been stationed?

We have been stationed at four different bases. Our first duty station was Marine Corps Air Station Cherry Point, NC. Our second duty station was Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort, SC. Our third duty station was Marine Corps Recruit Depot Parris Island, SC (luckily this is in the same area as the Air Station in Beaufort and we didn't have to move). Our fourth duty station, which we are currently at, is Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune, NC.

What advice would you give a young military bride?

I think the advice that I would give a young military bride is to try to be patient. I have learned over the years that patience is a virtue. Being in this lifestyle there is a lot of "hurry up and wait." Things can change at the drop of a dime, and there is nothing you can do about it. You just have to adjust to the curve ball that is thrown at you and learn to make it work. Everything will work out in the end, so just sit back and try to enjoy the ride.

What is something that most people do not realize about military life that you wish they understood?

I think the biggest thing that people may not realize is that the pay isn’t that amazing. I knew absolutely nothing about military pay or benefits when Shawn and I got married. I assumed military pay was way better than the minimum wage that I was making. It wasn’t until he told me I had to come get an ID card and give some of my information to DEERS that I finally started asking him questions and found out exactly what he made. I was surprised at the answer he gave me. We are blessed to be able to have his income, and it allows for us to have our home and put food on our table and take care of our kids. But we aren't swimming in money. Most military families struggle and have to live paycheck to paycheck, just like normal families.

I think another thing people don’t realize about military life is there are so many stereotypes that come along with being a military wife/spouse. I wish people wouldn't be so quick to judge. Everyone in this lifestyle has had some type of trial or tribulation, so who are you to judge someone before you ever try to get to know them. The person you end up judging could have been one of the best friends you would have ever made. I truly believe that there is a reason I have crossed paths with every person that I have met in this lifestyle. Whether it is to break me down, make me a better person, or for me to help someone I’ve met. There is a reason for it all, and I will always be thankful for those who have helped me navigate this crazy, fun-filled world.