Hot Mess

Photo Credit: Jenn Lazos

My hair is a rat’s nest matted on top of my head. I’m stretched out across my couch, dressed in my slip. Mascara has started to smear under my eyes, which emphasizes the bags silently and restlessly forming underneath them. My face badly needs to be washed; but there I lie, unmoving. Although I am far from being red carpet ready, there is beauty there. Unintentionally, this would make a fabulously inopportune photo op. After all, I am, almost laughably, a vision in white.

The silence encompasses me, leaving me painstakingly with my thoughts. And my memories flash like an old-time picture show.

My heart is hurting, but my mind is hopeful. Gloriously, I realize that while I can’t see it at this particular moment, Scarlett O’ Hara was right, “Tomorrow is another day.” I’m sad, but overwhelmingly hopeful.

And I am here.

I am alive.

I am honest.

I am feeling.

I am beautiful.

Even in its messiest form.

---

This was written September 30, 2014.