Adieu

Life has a way of often showing us that our plans and dreams are actually implausible, leaving us feeling as wide-eyed, child-like idealists. Things don’t often go according to our plans. Possibly, there is Man in the heavens rearranging our fates and our stars’ alignment with one swift movement of His hand; as a chess player moves chess pieces across the board. Perhaps we are simply not privied to the masterful, big picture; only seeing from eye-level, not able to witness the aerial view.

It’s a memory that I stumble across from time to time: We stood there, bickering, once…as we so often did. Sometimes for the sheer pleasure of getting under the other’s skin. Someone, hearing us, asked “Were you together in a past life?” You shrugged sheepishly. I laughed. “Surely not.” How strange the concept was at that time. Now I often wonder: Was there always something familiar about you? The way your eyes lit up and crinkled when you smiled? Your deep, belly laughter? Or was it possibly something underlying, not nearly as evident, which drew me to you? Within me, you saw more than a mousy, shy girl. You knew my heart, my strength and my boldness before I had even become aware of it.

If I had it to do over again, I would choose you. As I’ve done time and time again. Having known you has enriched my life, altered me immeasurably, and bettered my soul.  Ten years of infuriating madness. Ten years of uncontrollable laughter. Ten years of unconditional, unstoppable love. There is not, nor would there ever be, a question of my choice. Undeniably, it would always be you. Again and again.

As this year has been filled with exasperating monotony, where it felt as if each day lingered on as its predecessor had. Looking back, it has been filled with significant changes. Our paths began veering from one another. The sand in our hourglass dwindled down, as time began to run out.

How does one begin to say goodbye? How does one back away? How do two people stop talking when they have become crucial fixtures in each other’s life? How does one cease to love someone painlessly?

I choose to not dwell in the pain or void of this life, but the hopefulness of the future. In another life, in another time, we will meet again. Perhaps then, the debt will have been paid; the Man in the heavens content; our stars will align; and our paths will again intertwine.

Until the next time.

I bid you adieu, Sweetheart.

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Dated: December 30, 2015.