Okay, so, as many of you know...when I get hooked on something--a book series, television show, etc.--I become hopelessly obsessed and can’t shut up about it. This is true about the podcast Crime Junkies. I’ve now gotten several other people hooked, and I’m not even sorry. Not even a smidge.
One of those said people is my partner in crime and best friend KW. To give a little backstory, we met in Kindergarten and became best friends in the 3rd Grade. She’s been true blue since way back.
Anywho, now that KW is now hooked on the podcast too, we just keep saying to each other “How did we NOT die?” Particularly “how did we not die back when we used to party in our early 20s?” And the inspiration for this post was born...
Tonight, I’m going to impart a little knowledge on how to survive and NOT wind up dead before you’re 29. All I’m going to say is...learn from my mistakes, y’all...learn from my mistakes.
I will start with a story.... Picture it... 2014...Carrabelle. (I hate to even say that it was this recent, because I was 28 and “shoulda known better.” But alas, I am a slow learner...)
Before I begin, please realize that KW was a happily married lady at this point, and therefore, she went along with this because of nudging from her idiot friend. (raises hand) Me. I’m the idiot friend.
We had first trekked over to our favorite haunt, Harry’s...which is the best little hole in the wall bar until about 10 when the smoke gets so thick you can’t handle it anymore. Then we ventured to the new bar by the marina to hear the local talent play until the wee hours of the morning. It had a nice outdoor area where you could “air out” after leaving Harry’s smelling like a 70 year-old two-pack-a-day smoker. Some of our old, local friends that we hadn’t seen in years came up and sat with us for a bit... which brings me to...
Life Lesson #1: Don’t unknowingly befriend local drug dealers in your vacation/party town. (In our defense, the drug dealer ratio is rather high in those parts, and therefore we did not know in the beginning)
Life Lesson #2: Neck Tattoos possibly done by some guy named “Acid” or “Snake” should probably have been a red flag.
After the local guys left, we had some Tallahassee guys come over. I think I was trying to get over somebody...maybe? So one of them piqued my interest. He was much older.... but even on a good day, I can’t math. I spent half the night trying to figure out if he’d told me he was 20 or 30 years older than me. His hair was grey and I knew I was dealing with a man that was somewhere between 48 and 58.
Get your mind out of the gutter...nothing happened that night. He had his son with him. Ahem...
Life Lesson #3: Don’t get all googly-eyed over a middle-aged man that brings his barefoot 14 year old son to a bar! (I have no words. 28 year old Aleta was a dope).
So, the night was really nice. I am going to use code names here (mainly because I can’t remember what their names actually were at this point). Alan and Doug were super nice and funny. We enjoyed talking to them. I think KW even got out on the dance floor with the 14 year old.
When the bar closed down, we parted ways and went back to our hotel room.
The next morning, we went to Apalach for a late breakfast at Caroline’s. As we were eating our chocolate chip pancakes and slurping down our coffee, my phone went off. It was Alan asking if we wanted to go out on the boat with them and go to Dog Island. KW called her husband to make sure it would be okay.
Life Lesson #4: Don’t go off with strangers!
Life Lesson #5: Don’t go off with strangers to an island that is not in any way patrolled by police that takes 30 minutes to get to by boat...with NO cell service! (side note: this island is where they host the annual White Trash Bash...RIIIIING RIIIING...hear the alarm bells?)
Life Lesson #6: If you ignore #4 and #5, please have the sense enough to give SOMEONE a pile of details about where you’re going and who you are with. Be like KW, kids.
It was fine...we were fine. We went swimming at Dog Island...which is beautiful, btw. We went back to Alan’s house and chatted for a while.
So, all jokes aside, while everything turned out completely fine that weekend...at any point, things could’ve went drastically wrong.
Now that I’ve told you that story, I’m going to give you some additional tips.
- Don’t go partying at a town that is literally surrounded by the ocean and a thick forest called “Tate’s Hell.” There’s a whole lot of places to put a body.
- If you’re going to party, be very careful who you party with.
- Stay with your group/friends.
- Always give someone (or multiple people) a ridiculous amount of details of who you are with, what you are doing, and where you are going.
- Have a friend like KW.
Author’s Note: So, so many of our “How did we not die?” stories start and end in Carrabelle. I feel like I could post life lessons every day for a month about what we learned from that town. I reserve the right for a follow-up post...
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