Finding My Way Back

At times, I am so very thankful for photographs.  They offer an everlasting glimpse back at a single moment in time.

I could look at the photograph below and pick myself apart.  But honestly, this photograph marks a huge turning point in my life.  February 5, 2016. The very day that this was taken, my mom, sister, and I were having family photos taken by the wonderful Jennifer Lazos. We were in the midst of the photo shoot when I received a text that would send my life on a course for three years.  

I look back on this photo, at this girl, and many days I wish I could return--not to this moment--but to who I was at this very moment in time.  This girl was full of confidence, and sass, and zest.

While I’m not there yet, and while I can’t return to who I was in 2016, I am trying to become an improved version of myself that the 2016 version could be proud of.

Boots on the Ground

Graphics by Chris Rogers (as always)

He was a part of my childhood as much as my jungle gym, or my Putt Putt car, or my dog, “Rosie Sprinkles.” Weaving in and out of my memories from third grade on.

Our adolescent years spent together preparing for Bible Drills, or livestock shows, or 4-H meetings. Many Sundays shared at Sunday School, Wednesday nights at Team Kid, and a Saturday every month at our Double Sink 4-H Club Meeting.

Many get-togethers were had. We had dinners at his house occasionally, at which I remember helping his grandmother put together puzzles; and swim parties and barbecues were had at my house during the summer months.

Eventually High School rolled around, and we had our separate groups, our separate friends. We still greeted each other in the morning, awaiting the first bell to ring; or while walking past each other in the hallway.

We graduated and went our separate ways, our families always staying close. He went into the Marines, and I went to college.

I sent letters while he was in boot camp. During his first deployment, I found a bracelet in Cedar Key that was said to bring “good luck.” I sent him one and kept one for myself, promising to say a prayer whenever I saw it. It hung from my car’s rearview mirror until he returned.

A few years later, his best friend came home, draped with an American flag. I sat amongst he and his family, as his friend’s family received that folded flag in place of his safe homecoming.

There were many nights after that funeral that I sat up riddled with worry about my friend. Praying that he would come home, and come home safely.

Years came and went and I wondered if civilian life would ever suit him. I worried about him struggling to find his place here again.

I am ever so grateful for those that serve and have served this country; wholeheartedly indebted to those that gave their lives in foreign deserts, on foreign beaches, on foreign soil. No words could ever express my gratitude.

But there is no greater sound than hearing his booming laugh at Easter...
Sharing a vacation with all of his family and mine in the mountains...
Seeing he and his wife’s excitement at the upcoming birth of their firstborn child, a son...

Yes, I am forever grateful to our service men and women; but oh, how thankful I am to have my friend’s boots on the ground...on American soil again.

Chic Metal Jewelry by Victoria Tillotson

I have got to let y'all in on my latest obsession: Chic Metal Jewelry made by Victoria Tillotson.

Y'all....I. Am. In. Love.

I first checked out her Instagram at the urging of my friend Beth.  Last Fall, I asked her to make me a special necklace for my mom for Christmas.  After seeing her incredible
work first-hand, I quickly decided that I wanted some pieces for my own self.

To date, I have asked Victoria to make me a natural ruby ring and a natural emerald ring.

Labradorite studs on the left.  Turquoise, citrine, opal, and golden tourmaline studs on the right.

One of my very favorite stones is labradorite.  I just love how it flashes different colors in the sunlight.  I asked Victoria if she could make me a set of earrings with 3mm, 4mm, and 6mm labradorite stones.

Turquoise stacker ring

I have also won a turquoise stacker ring,  fordite dangly earrings, and citrine, opal, turquoise, and golden tourmaline studs in an auction.  

Fordite Earrings

I will mention here that as an adult, I have struggled wearing earrings.  I seem to have sensitive skin, and my ears tend to get red and irritated with a lot of earrings.  I have not had this issue with my earrings from Victoria.  I LOVE them.

Unfortunately, I don't have photos of my simple hammered band and twig bands.  Those are actually probably some of my favorite pieces as they are the perfect accessory for a simple dress-down day.

For those of you who haven't checked her out on Instagram and Etsy, get on it!  I promise, you will love anything you get from her.  Also, if you aren't quite sure about a custom piece just yet, check out her Sunday auctions.   They are the perfect chance to snag some of her work.

Catching up

I have stated this a’ many a’ time, and it still rings true. There are times when it seems so easy to pour my heart out for all the world to see. Then, there are times when I cling to my privacy tenaciously.  I think the latter is where I have found myself the past few weeks. Perhaps that is just the fine line that a writer teeters along.

For those of you who know the situation (if not, read the previous post)...know this...I am still unrepentant and unapologetic. I will not apologize for speaking MY opinion on MY page. No matter what consequence befell me. That being said...I had a comment made to me the other night that I would like to address. I made the statement “I should have known that all of my social media was being stalked...there had been clues.” The person then said “It’s social media.” Well, that’s very true. Completely. I don’t disagree. However, I don’t believe that any of us consider someone watching every single thing we post, trying to determine whether or not they can take offense or use it against you in any way. That part is eery and a bit creepy to me. Even still, it feels like a violation. I cannot believe that they are doing that of the other hundred employees, 24/7.  At the time, all of my social media sites were public, because I often promote my blog. Let me just say...if you go to any page looking to BE offended...you’re going to GET offended by something. That’s just a fact. 

I have also had people tell me, rather indifferently, "Leave it in the past and move on."  A little easier said than done.  It's a little hard to do when your character is being challenged.

I am trying to stifle my anger. I am trying to not let this make me bitter. That is never a person I want to be. I believe that what we put out into the world we get back. I have to believe that those that sought to harm me and challenge my character ultimately have to look at their own selves in the mirror, and they have to sleep at night knowing what they’ve done. As my mama has always said, “They’ll have to answer for that one day.”

I won’t lie. It’s been hard. I have not wanted to post. I have not wanted to talk to people. I haven’t wanted to go anywhere, really. I have wanted to withdraw and just be around a handful of people. And what I am most regretful about is the fact that I have kept my new coworkers at arms length. Not wanting to get too close. Frankly, that is just not like me. That is not my personality. That’s not who I am. And that’s something that I’m working on, and trying to change.

I want to take a minute and talk about all of my blessings.

I am in love with my new job. It is amazing to know what you will be facing day to day. It’s incredible to know that you are helping people and you are making a difference. I love my team, I love what I do, and I could not be happier in that aspect. I was even awarded Team Member of the month, which meant the world to me.

This has truly been a blessing in disguise.  As a dear friend put it...truly, my being fired was really just my liberation.

I have also been surrounded by people who are so supportive. I have even had multiple people reach out to me over social media and show me support. Of this, I am so appreciative and so thankful.

I am incredibly blessed and thankful for the new opportunities given to me. God is good!

P.S. I’m stocking up on my tie dye ;)

The Aftermath

I struggled with this post. I know that every social media site of mine has been monitored and analyzed closely for the past several weeks. The "Post Police" have been anxiously awaiting this since last week. And honestly, I didn't want to give them the satisfaction.

 
However, my whole blog pays homage to my authenticity. To withhold this would be to do a disservice to my readers and myself. Sometimes it is so very strange to live in such a small town, and lead such a public life.

Last week, I was fired from my job. In all of my working career, I have never even been written up. Not once. Still haven't been. 

 
My dismissal, rather terse, went like this...I had a print out of the post (shown below) put on my desk by someone other than my direct supervisor, and I was told to get my things and go. 

Of course, like any red-blooded human, I went through shock. It was a blow to my spotless work reputation. I felt shame, not for what I had done, but for being fired. I felt anger, of course. I felt saddness for the coworkers that I so loved.

In processing all of these emotions, I had these thoughts:

I do not regret my post. In the slightest. Not one bit. I am completely unremorseful and unrepentant. The only thing I WILL apologize for is my language. As my mama would say, it doesn't seem too ladylike.

See, I do not care if you live in Florida or Utah or Arizona...my post rings true. I do not care if you live in Atlanta or New York City or in Small Town, USA...my post rings true. I do not care if you are Democrat or Republican...my post STILL rings true. If your representatives do not represent the people they serve, VOTE THEM OUT. If they are only out for self-promotion, political gain, etc...VOTE THEM OUT. 

 
We, as Americans, have a constitutional right and responsiblity to elect officials that have the best interest of the people in mind...whether it be locally, for state office, or for national office. Even when coverage of politics becomes nauseating, it is important to not become indifferent. It is essential to do your own research of each of the candidates, and not just solely take others opinions or the media's opinion as fact. Sometimes, one vote has made all of the difference. That is our right and responsibility to both our fellow citizens and to those that will come after us. As Americans...we, as citizens and voters, are given a voice. 

 
I will never support censorship. The first Amendment guarantees my freedom of expression.

I have, and will always be, a proud American. 

As a young child, my dad taught me the importance of my American duties. He often took my sister and I up to the voting house with him. When he felt strongly about a candidate, he went out and campaigned for them. He felt strongly about term limits, and voting officials out when they became complacent. As I have said SO many times...my dad raised very strong girls with very strong convictions. 

 
This being said, I will not apologize for stating my personal opinion on my personal social media page.
 
I cannot fathom why my lowly opinion threatens some. I don’t even vote in the County that I worked in. But I stand, defiantly, in my convictions.

To those that I worked with closely...you have my unconditional love. I love y'all dearly. If anything good came out of my working there, it is simply that I was able to meet you. You guys have impacted my life more than you will ever know, and for that I will be forever grateful. Y'all were my lifelines.

To the individuals that sought to cause problems... Thank you. You have successfully strengthened my backbone and set my jaw. I will sleep easily knowing that I have stood firm in my beliefs.  I can hold my head high with dignity because I wasn’t fired due to my work ethic. Although you may have forced my hand; ultimately, I am destined for bigger and better things. 

 
As far as what I will do and where I will go...I have been offered a new, exciting opportunity. The future is looking bright, y'all!

Thank You

Today, I want to say “thank you” to my readers. I am thankful to each and every one of you who take the time to read my posts. The fact that you take a few moments from your day to read something from my life, means the world to me. In every post, I share a little bit of my heart.

And to those that share my posts regularly, I truly appreciate you more than you’ll ever know. Thank you for sharing my posts and expanding my audience.

Last week, I reached one of my small goals of the year… My blog has been viewed over 75,000 times.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

XOXO
Aleta Kaylee

My White Flag

Image found on Google Images

I am completely unfeeling in this moment. 

I have given all that I can give.

They have taken all that they can take. 

I’m void of any emotions.

I have fought the good fight.

I have given it my all.

I have not cowered to those who stood against me.

But I am done fighting.

I have decided to do what serves my best interest.

I have already done what best serves you.

I have been strong and served.

And now, I am tired.

It’s not easy being Joan of Arc.

It’s not easy always being a woman on a mission.

It’s not easy always being the one to stand for what is right.

This battle has not been easy.

Now, I look towards the horizon.

Now, I seek happiness.

Now, I seek peace.

Today, I wave my white flag.

Sirens

What I will always remember about that day will be the sirens. I am no different than anyone else who was sitting in Trenton that day. Working next to the Courthouse, I was at the epicenter of town…next to the one red light in the County.

Everything happened so quickly. The office scanner erupted with noise. My coworker got a call from her Paramedic husband saying, “lock the office down.” She ran to the door to lock it, as I called the Courthouse to have them do the same. I called my old office, just a few blocks North of us, and had them lock down as well. I called and messaged my loved ones and told them not to come through Trenton. We sat there feeling as sitting ducks, not knowing what was happening just a few blocks from us.

Siren after siren after siren flew past.

A young woman I recognized from church walked up looking lost. I let her in, knowing who she was. She had witnessed a Deputy stop in the road, jump out of his cruiser and take off running towards the chaos.  In the process, he had lost his phone in the road.  She had picked it up and wanted to have it returned to him.  She had been directed to our office.  She asked if she could stay in the office until what was transpiring had cleared. His phone rang and rang.

Sirens continued to flood by.

The first account that came in was that there had been an active shooter at the Sun Stop. Later, after seeing my coworker’s face after receiving a call…I knew the news wasn’t good. I got a message from a friend saying she’d heard cops had been shot at the Ace China. I prayed at that moment that somehow she’d gotten it wrong; and if not, that they were okay.

Sirens were still coming.

Neighboring towns were sending back up.

My stomach was in knots as we sat waiting.

After what seemed like hours, we got the call saying that the shooter had been killed and to shut the office down and go home.

A shooter?  In Trenton?  Even now as I sit writing this--nearly a year later--it seems surreal.

As we walked to our cars, in a daze, a girl we recognized ran past. She was notably upset. My coworker asked if she could help, she continued running towards the Community Center and said “I’ve got to get to her, she doesn’t know!”

Before I got home, my friend called me crying, telling me the names of the cops. She had worked closely with these guys.

I sat back dumbstruck. These two young men had just eaten lunch at our office only weeks before. They had been joking and laughing….so full of life. And now…they’re gone from this world?

I am still so angry. I’m angry that innocent lives were lost.  I'm angry that Noel's wife will have to raise their children without him being here.  I’m angry that Noel’s children will grow up without him. I’m angry that Taylor’s family and friends didn’t get to see him get married or have kids of his own.  I'm angry that their future was robbed from them.

That day, we lost our sense of safety. Something that might would happen in a major city, had happened here in Trenton. Evil took us off guard that day. I’m so angry that in one moment, we lost our Mayberry.

On April 19, 2018, that coward broke our hearts; but even in our grief, he couldn't break our community.

Though the days after were a blur, let me tell you what I witnessed in the aftermath...

No emphasis was put on the coward that did this.  His name was only mentioned a handful of times.  He received no media attention.  The attention was placed on our deputies, where it belonged.  He did not get what he had so craved.

Our community united.  We surrounded our grieving men in uniform, the families, and the friends with love. Our streets were speckled with “We back the blue” signs and “Thin Blue Line” flags.  Blue Ribbons were on nearly every front door.  We gathered together for the candlelight vigil.  Just the thought of the sheer number of people that lined the streets when our boys came home, and during the funeral procession, still puts a lump in my throat.  The funeral procession, itself, was the longest in Florida history...nearly 15 miles long.

The long line of Law Enforcement Officers bringing Noel and Taylor home.  Photo Credit: The Gilchrist County Journal.

Neighboring Counties honored Noel and Taylor the day of the funeral.  Photo Credit: Sara Spivey

In the days after, we celebrated the lives of the men. We honored these men. We cloaked each other in love. We supported each other.  I witnessed several counties send deputies and dispatchers to fill in for our own deputies and dispatchers who were mourning the loss of their colleagues and friends.  I witnessed restaurants feed these neighboring men in uniform at no charge.  What I witnessed was...love.  The richness of our community is something that could never be stolen or shaken by tragedy.

To those of you who have heard of us by only this story, I leave you with this plea:  Let our town not be remembered solely because of this tragedy.  Let us be remembered by how we responded during this tragedy.  Let us be remembered for our love.  Let us be remembered for our unity.  Let our heroes, Noel and Taylor, be remembered...and let their legacy of service and honor and duty live on in your life, as it does in ours.

Sgt. Noel Ramirez and Dep. Taylor Lindsey:  You are heroes and you will never be forgotten.  We will strive to honor your memory.  Rest easy.

 

Sgt. Noel Ramirez and Dep. Taylor Lindsey.  Photo taken from the Gilchrist County Sheriff's Office facebook page.

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I know that I have some followers from different states and different countries...and for those of you who are unfamiliar with this story, let me explain:  Trenton is the county seat of Gilchrist County, Florida.  We are a rural community.  The county has one red light and a population of about 17,000 county-wide.  On April 19, 2018, Noel and Taylor stopped at Ace China to have lunch, while working.  They had just ordered when a man drove past, saw their vehicles, stopped, and went inside.  He ambushed them.  The coward then went back to his vehicle and took his own life.  The coward did not know the deputies personally.  This wasn't an act of retaliation.  This was an act of unadulterated evil.  He was planning on not going home that evening, and he was hellbent on taking innocent lives with him.  April 19, 2018, he took two of our own.  We will forever grieve that loss.

Author’s Note:  There are times when I will sit on a post for months before I actually share it.  This has been the case for “Sirens.”  My heart was purely broken, and I had to wait until I was able to collect my thoughts enough to do it justice.  This is the finished product of about 6 months of planning and writing and re-writing it.

The artwork for "Sirens" was created by my friend, Chris Rogers.

#NoShrinkingViolet

Photo Credit: Jennifer Lazos

When you come from a rural area, it's not uncommon to be asked "Who's your people?" pretty regularly.

For those of you concerned with my pedigree, I want to answer this once and for all:

I come from a long line of strong, willful, badass women.

My Great-Great Grandmother on my Father's side had to restart her whole life after her husband died.  She lived on the Silver Springs reservation with her husband, Joe Darlington, and her three little girls.  Upon Joe's death, she and her girls were kicked off the reservation as they were not full-blooded Seminole Indian.  She restarted her life in a dirt-floored palmetto shack in Cedar Key.

My Great-Grandma Annie was a woman before her time.  Strong, outspoken, and quick-tempered, she was quick to tell someone just what she thought of them.  If there was a cause close to her heart, she would drive around the County collecting...and don't be fooled, she wasn't above strong-arming or shaming a local politician into donating to her cause.  She famously told someone that had high-hatted her "I was the first to slap your naked ass when you were born, and I ain't afraid to whoop it now."

My Great-Grandma Lois lost her mother at an early age and was married at 14.  She had four children.  She became a widow when her youngest was 6, and had to support them all by herself.

My Granny Doris can be found at the local nursing home.  She's sweet as the day is long...but cross her, and she'll give a talkin'-to you won't soon forget.  She looks out for the underdogs, a nurturer at heart.  Loyal to a fault, if she thinks you have done something against someone she loves, you will soon catch her wrath.

My Granny Betty was one of the most loving people you could ever hope to meet.  But if you upset her, she would have you outside huntin' a peach tree switch before you could say "I'm sorry."  She married young, too, and earned her GED at the age of 59; the same year her oldest grandchild earned her High School Diploma.

My mama?  Well...my mama is a saint.  She is funny, witty, smart, sweet, and strong.  She was Valedictorian of her class.  She was the first in her family to get a college degree.  She majored in Micro-biology, not a common field among women.  She battled breast cancer with a vengeance.  When my dad was sick 18 months later?  She was the glue that held us all together.  Her strength is amazing.

If you want to know my pedigree.  That is my pedigree.  This is the blood that runs through my veins.  I am from a long line of strong, willful, sassy, outspoken, smart, revolutionary women.

I will not be quiet.  I will not cower.  I will make my voice be heard.  I am the descendent of great women.

I am no shrinking violet.

Ghosts

There are some days that I still have to bypass Trenton. I’d like to blame it on the beauty of the live oak lined road that I take to detour, but that wouldn’t be the truth. Your truck is no longer parked out by the road. That absence still bothers me after all this time.

Most days, I have to take the long way around, as driving past your house still puts a lump in my throat. It has sold…it belongs to someone else. Now, it simply sits as a structure with walls built of “what ifs” and a roof made of “could have beens” for me. Some days I wish someone would simply bulldoze it, so it wouldn’t taunt me; but others, I’m thankful for its reminder that you were once here with me.

That’s the thing about living in a small town. When a person leaves, that void is felt. It resonates through the community like the rippling effect of a stone skipping across a pond. Their ghosts still walk the streets, presenting reminders of themselves from time to time; leaving their loved ones longing for more than just a memory.

Dear Shitty People Of The World...

At heart, I’m a very forgiving, loving, caring, empathetic person…But I’m becoming increasingly disheartened, as the days go by, with the number of shitty people walking amongst us. At the current time, I’m trying exceedingly hard to not become jaded with this world.

I understand that, unfortunately, I am in a position where I see the very ugly side of people…and that has been a bit of a shock for me. People who I thought were kind, genuine people in the past, are now blatantly surprising me.

I have a few thoughts that I’ve been stewing on.

I am not passive aggressive…I do not do well with snide remarks, or back-handed comments. I’m what I like to call “Aggressive-Aggressive”….I’m pretty in your face. I’m not going to sit around and make catty remarks. I’m going to tell you what I’m feeling. Make me mad? You’ll know it. Upset me? You’ll know it. And I have more respect for someone who comes and says something straightforward instead of making me guess at what you’re beating around the bush about…..

Also, if you have something to say about me…come say it to my face. I hate to sound like a drama-filled, pumped-up middle school girl here…but here’s the deal: I am a 32 year old woman…I do not do well with idle gossip or catty remarks being made about me behind my back. I don’t have time for this nonsense. Got something to say to me? Say it.

Stay in your own damn lane. I pay little mind to what anyone else is doing. I hate to sound flippant, but I just do not care. And if I don’t care what you’re doing, you damn sure don’t need to be bothered up with what I’m doing.

I have ZERO respect for spineless fence-sitters. Take a stance. Take any freakin’ stance. I’ll have more respect for you. But to go back and forth across the fence, never making any decision? Well, I can’t muster up any respect for you. Sorry.

I don’t have room for any of the ones mentioned above in my tribe. I have been on a blocking spree this week with NO remorse. I would rather have a smaller circle than a big circle full of fakes.

Small Town Shout Out: Down Home Vinyl

As stated in a previous blog, it is my intention to promote my blog more this year. I’m still just a smidge under 75,000 views….and my “goal” this year is to make it to 100,000 views. Again, for those of you who share my blog frequently, thank you. The more who share = the more who see my blog. 

As you guys could probably tell during the holidays…I’m a bit obsessed with finding the perfect gift for someone. In January, with my sister’s birthday rolling around in February, I had a great idea. She has her brand: Rockin’ R Quarter Horses. I got to thinking about it and decided I wanted to have shirts made for Rheba…so that she can advertise her brand.

THEN, I got to thinking about my blog, and how I wanted to start advertising my brand too. I ordered some shirts from Torrid that I knew were the perfect fit, and contacted Lisa Carver. 

You guys! All of my shirts turned out adorable! Lisa took so much time perfecting each shirt. I am in love with the way they all turned out!!

Y’all, check her work out on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/downhomevinyl/

Words of Wisdom Wednesday

I was perusing either Facebook, or Instagram, the other night and stumbled across this.  Having just walked away from something myself, this struck a chord with me...

If a situation does not grow you, better you, uplift you, or make you happy... I pray that you have the courage to walk away.  Typically, there is something much better waiting for you just around the bend.

Love Me, But Leave Me Wild

I will never fit a certain mold. I was not made to conform to a certain brand of thinking. I was not meant to follow along with the groupthink mentality. I am far too much of an individual for that.

My parents did not raise me to bow down to another based on status or titles. They raised me to do what was right, not what is popular. They taught me to stand up for those who can’t speak for themselves. They gave me my voice, they gave me my courage, they gave me confidence.

My thoughts…my beliefs…my actions…they are all my own. I am an individual first and foremost. I follow my intuition, creativity, and discernment; and trust in prayer to lead me down my journey’s path.

I will never be what society expects me to be.

Love me, but leave me wild.

Just A Girl Missing Her Thyroid

Okay, so lately, I've had a few people ask questions, and I want to address something to bring a little bit of public awareness to it.

In 2014, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease.  This is an auto-immune disorder that attacks your thyroid.  Many people have thyroid issues....many people have problems with their thyroid not working properly.  I'm no different.  Where most people struggle with their thyroid not working enough, mine was working OVERTIME.

At the time I was diagnosed, I had dropped 60+ pounds in a matter of months. My thyroid was working SO well...it was affecting my heart too.  My resting heart rate was at around 130-140 beats per minute.  The doctor was concerned with arrhythmia.  He said that my heart could not continue to beat that fast for a long period of time without running into major issues.  He sent me to an endocrinologist, and after testing and an ultrasound, it was determined that I had Graves Disease.

On a side note...at the time around my diagnosis, I could've run a marathon.  I would be up at 2 a.m. with my mind running rampant, and be up and ready to go to work at 5 a.m. the next day....this had gone on for months.  I always liken it to what I would assume a person on speed would feel like.  I was literally buzzing.  The funny thing is...when the doctor came in the day of the diagnosis...she said "You can almost always tell when a person has Graves Disease.  They almost have a buzz to them."  She went on to make me straighten my arms out in front of me, and you could visibly see my hands and fingers shaking.  It was the craziest thing.

The cure for Graves Disease is either surgery to remove the thyroid, or killing your thyroid with Radioactive Iodine.  We chose the latter, and the less invasive of the two.  After a 10 day stint on a "no-iodine diet" (which liketa killed me...Do you know how many items have iodine in them??! I basically survived on homemade popcorn, and salads)  I went into the hospital, and was given a pill containing the Radioactive Iodine.

It has been 4.5 years since the treatment, and it's still a bit of a battle with blood tests and tinkering with medicine to keep my levels normal.  I have a great doctor and PA that I see every three months.  I will be on medicine the rest of my life, but I am blessed.

I tell you all of the backstory to tell you this....there are still some things that I struggle with daily:

Brain fog.  The doctor said that for some reason one of the common complaints among people with thyroid issues is problems with memory and focus.  This is absolutely true!  It's something I struggle with daily.  I am so thankful to have a coworker who can remember everything and who is understanding.  I often can't remember from one week to the next, and she helps me daily keep things in check.

Energy.  There are some days when I am full of energy and can go go go....and then...I crash.  And I can almost always tell when it's going to happen.  It's a different kind of tired.  My body just drains.  That's the best way I can describe it.  My whole body gets tired, and I may have to rest a whole weekend to recover.

My Immune System is compromised.  I have never in my life gotten sick as much as I have in the past 4.5 years.  I seem to get sick at the drop of a hat.  So, if I act funny around you or request space from you if you have the sniffles, please don't get offended.  I get sick extremely easy.  It also takes me a lot longer to get over it than normal people.  A common cold can have me down for two weeks.

I struggle with temperature.  This is a biggie.  And many people don't understand.  When I get hot, I am HOT.  It is like my blood is boiling on a pot on Satan's stove top.  I can't cool off.  It is an inner heat that I can't cool.  And when I'm cold, I am freezing.  There is no in-between.  It is not uncommon for me to have my fan on high in the morning at my office, and my space heater on 86 degrees later that afternoon.  And yes, it's nuts.  I just ask for a little patience and understanding.

Anyways...if you see me fanning away like some Southern Belle at a Funeral, or dragging butt one day,...or unable to remember what I was saying mid-sentence.... just be a little understanding.

Chocolate Cream Pie Murder

Joann Fluke, writer of the Hannah Swensen series, and my favorite “cozy mystery” writer, has done it again, y’all…

I cannot even express to you guys my excitement upon the mail run last Friday. I truly am a lover of the little things...

I’d been awaiting the new book since the last book release last September (she typically releases 2 books a year), anxiously anticipating the progression of the story. Fail me, she did not.

And now, here I sit, anxiously awaiting the next book release…having devoured this one this past weekend. This one ended on such a cliffhanger, I am dying to know what happens next.

The Hannah Swensen series is such a fun, easy read. I just love them. I’d never wanted to visit Minnesota, but after having read this series, and having loved the people depicted in these books, I am now longing to go….even though it’s Winter, and covered in blankets of snow.

Florida Water

So, I don’t want to talk about my full-time job on here. For the most part, I may make mention of it, but I like to keep work life and bloggin’ life separate.

I’m like anyone, I have good and bad days at work. But we have had quite a bit of what I like to call “bad juju” as of late, so I’ve been thinking on how best to resolve this.

Now, I know my coworkers, and I knew I would raise a few eyebrows if I brought in my sage or palo santo. Also, it would be my luck, some of the ashes would fall and burn down our building…as it is wooden and nearly 100 years old. So, sage and palo santo were out.

And then I got to thinking….

I had recently acquired some Florida Water from my friend Beth at Wildling Artistry. I was a smidge concerned using this as well, as I had nearly sent a coworker into an asthma attack before by spraying Lysol. She is extremely sensitive to even the slightest of scents. Given that the Florida Water spray has notes of cinnamon, I just wasn’t sure how it would go over.

Y’all….I am absolutely in LOVE with using the Florida Water. While it does have a slight cinnamon scent, it is wonderful. It’s not overpowering. It’s very mild. I only sprayed it in our department’s area to test it out. I could tell a huge difference from just walking from the back of the building back into our office. The air felt clean, and the energy just felt lighter.

I love this product. I think I’m going to leave this bottle here…and maybe pick up another for my house.

Interested in this product? https://www.etsy.com/listing/665436684/florida-water-spritual-cleansing-spray?ref=shop_home_active_2&frs=1

Hopelessly Unmotivated

Image found on www.tinybuddha.com

This week, I have found myself hopelessly unmotivated. I have not had the urge to write. I have not had the urge to practice my yoga. I haven’t had much of an urge to do anything other than watch Parks and Rec, if I’m honest. 

I don’t know if it’s been the weather. Or maybe I’ve just shrunken into a bit of a blue mood after last weekend’s shenanigans. All I know is, I have just wanted to be curled up in my bed, watching something funny, and able to just zone out.

At first, I felt bad about it. You know how self- talk is….I was thinking “My God, I should be exercising. I feel like a dumpster. I should be writing….my blog isn’t going to write itself”…and the like.

As per the norm, my best friend came to the rescue. I told her how I was feeling…just completely unmotivated this week. She responded with the quote in the heading photo. As always, her rational thought process made me feel oodles better.

Is it okay to have weeks where you aren’t going a mile a minute? Exercising diligently? Writing at every possible minute? Solving the world’s problems? YES! It is totally fine. That is life! You’re going to have days where you feel invincible, and like you have it all together and could conquer the world. Then, there will be those days when you just want to crawl in bed and watch TV. And as long as you don’t let that feeling consume you and your time for very long…it is very much okay!

So today, I’m thankful for the down times…they make the moments of inspiration and motivation that much sweeter. And as always, I’m thankful for my very rational-thought-driven friend who always knows just what to say to bring encouragement on my not-so-top-of-the-mountain days.

Happy Birthday, Rheba!

Today is my little sister’s birthday, y’all! She is 25.

While I hate to not be there to celebrate with her (we celebrated earlier in the week), I am hoping that her birthday is just plain fabulous. She’ll be doing what she loves…attending a rodeo.

She’s gone from being the two year old that shot off the fire extinguisher in our kitchen (as mom was cooking dinner); to the 4 year old that had to go to the hospital because she stuck nerds up her nose; to the boots-over-jeans clad Middle-schooler that hung out with all the guys; to the steer-showing High-schooler; to full-time working, full-time RN student; to the woman she is today. I am, and will always be, so proud of my little sister.

This year has brought big changes for her…she got married and started her dream job. She works as an Oncology nurse in Bone Marrow Transplant Unit.  For her to know what she wanted to do so early in life is a blessing…and something I greatly admire. Her job is not easy, and she has heartbreaking days…but like my dad, she “loves her job.” She’s making a difference in every single person that she takes care of.

At heart, her passion will always be her horses. Going from barrel racing in Middle and High School…to now breeding horses, her interests have evolved and deepened over the years. To see how knowledgeable and good she is with the horses will leave you awestruck.

I pray that this upcoming year is full of blessings, love and laughter. I pray that this year finds her surrounded by friends, family, and her horses. I pray that, this year, all of her dreams come true.

I’m so glad God made her my sister.

Happy Birthday, Rheba!

A Bit Of A Shameless Plug

This year, I am wanting to make some big changes to my blog. And while I’m not there just yet, and not quite ready to talk about it, I’m moving towards it. I will update you guys a little closer to time.

BUTTTT…something I vowed to do this year was promote myself and my blog a little more. To those that repeatedly share my blog, I appreciate you. I am trying to build my audience, so your help is so appreciated. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Now….how cute is my hat? My friend Beth at Wildling Artistry embroidered this for me last week. I’m in love.

Here's to 32...

I want to share a moment of pride with you guys....

I don't know if it's a 32 year-old thing or what...but this year I'm just letting everything go.

Last summer, around my birthday, I gave up dying my hair.  Dark haired girls can attest, the maintenance of dark hair is HARD.  I've been battling grey hair since I was 16.  That was half of my life!  It had gotten to the point where I could dye my hair, and within two weeks the greys were already peeking through.  I HATED dying my hair.  It was something I dreaded every month.  I was OVER it. So, I gave it up.

I had a friend tell me, the peer pressure was the hardest part.  People would wonder why you had stopped dying your hair, being fairly young and all.  And honestly, my friends have been very supportive.  Heck, I had one of my most critical friends tell me that she really liked it, actually.  I've only had one criticism thus far.

But honestly, having that dreaded process every month eliminated, has been a big burden off of me.  And y'all, moment of truth....I LOVE my grey hair.  I think it actually softens my face.  It's still growing out, so it'll be a while before I'm truly grey.  (I hadn't wanted to strip the layers of black hair dye from my hair and further damage my hair).  But I am LOVING IT.

Also, there have been years in the past where I would not go out without a full face of make up.  Primer.  Foundation.  Powder.  Blush.  Eyeliner.  Eyeshadow.  Mascara.  Lipstick.  The whole shebang.  I would have to get up two hours early to get ready for work every day.  I wouldn't go to Walmart even, without all of the above mentioned on my face.   In fairness, I have a few dark spots on my face already, and they always seem to darken after being out in the sun during the Summer.  They had been worse a few years ago.  Most makeups wouldn't cover them, and they made me self-conscious.  That was the cause of my NEED for makeup.

Over the past two years, I had lessened my morning routine to CC cream (Mary Kay has an amazing CC cream that covers extremely well without being cakey), powder, blush, and mascara.  I could get ready in about 20 minutes.

Last week, I ran out of CC Cream.  I do intend to buy more.  But I just slap ran out.  For me, unheard of.  So, for the past week, I have been going to work with very minimal makeup.

Know what?  I am completely OKAY with it.  It honestly has not been much of a change.  Most people wouldn't notice.  But for me, as a mind over matter instance, it's a huge deal.  And I'm so freaking proud of myself for starting to truly be okay in my own skin.

Here's to 32, and letting everything go...self-doubt...self-consciousness...low self-image...makeup routines...hair dye...

And being truly happy with oneself.

Author's Note:  I am a terrible selfie-er.  My eyes always do something weird when I'm looking at the camera...so I typically look away (like the bottom one).  BUT these photos were taken with absolutely no makeup on, using no filter.  #NakedFace

Bleeding Ink by Brooke Hampton

As evident by my facebook page, I am a HUGE fan of Barefoot Five. In perusing her website recently, I found that she had written a book. Of course, I had to buy it…

Upon receiving it, I found that it wasn’t necessarily Brooke’s story…it was more filled with writing prompts to help you discover yourself, your wants, your path. Loving to write, myself, I am LOVING this book. It has been thought provoking, and has especially gotten me to reflect on what I truly want, what I am longing to create, and what I need to do to get where I want to be.

I would highly recommend for those who enjoy writing, whether it be blogging, journaling, or otherwise. And even if you don’t…if you’re just not happy at where you’re at…this book would help you reflect on yourself and your goals.

Also...if you have not checked out the Barefoot Five page on Facebook, I beg you to do so.

NO!

I just have to tell you guys…. I am really freaking proud of myself right now. 

Have you ever found it extremely hard to tell someone “no?” I never thought much about it until recently. But I truly STRUGGLE with this. Even as someone who doesn’t participate in many civic activities and such, I still get roped into a whole lot. Things I have ZERO interest in doing, or absolutely dread doing, all because I’m helping someone out. I’m no different than a majority of women…who stretch ourselves too thin just because we feel bad to tell someone “no.”

This is precisely where I found myself at this week. Stretched too thin. Desperately seeking a way out of an obligation. As it crept up, I sat back weighing the pros and cons. Finally, I decided that my time was worth far more to me than the obligation. I broke down and sent the dreaded message. “I just can’t do it. I’m sorry.”

The Heavens opened up. The Angels sang the Hallelujah Chorus. And a massive weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

And with that huge relief, I was left asking myself, “How is it so easy to get roped into this stuff in the first place? Why is it that hard to say no?”

Obligation? Guilt? A need to please people?

I don’t have all the answers. But for now, I’m relishing in the fact that I said “No” and took back the reins on my time for once.

Here is to doing more of what we actually WANT to do, and having control over our time.

The Annual Chiefland FFA Chili Cook-Off Cake Auction

CK's Coconut Cake with Boiled Coconut Glaze

Hey guys...Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

I just want you to know that my house currently smells DELICIOUS!  Cynthia Kay has been baking up a storm!

Every year I have to do a little plug for my local Chiefland FFA'ers.  They are having their annual Chili Cook-Off and Cake Auction tomorrow night.  The festivities begin at 5:30 p.m...beginning with the Chili Cook-Off, followed by the Cake Auction.  

Unfortunately, I won't get to be there this year as I have prior obligations.  But I am sorely going to miss it.  The auction itself is a hoot.  Some of the participants get all riled up and it's just hilarious to watch.  

If you haven't already made plans, I highly recommend going.  Get your belly full of chili and maybe buy your sweetheart a cake...you'll be helping our local students!

CK's Almond Cream Cheese Pound Cake

Small Business Shoutout: Where I Buy My Crystals

All of the above crystals were purchased from The Crystalline Willow.

I joked with my best friend when she sent me this meme (below) that mine wouldn’t be about the 7/11 or Taco Bell at 3 a.m…. I would be questioned by CHASE about all of the random names I send money to over PayPal. If ever questioned, I’d jokingly tell them they were my drug dealers. 

I’ve had a lot of inquiries lately as to where I buy my crystals. So here goes:

I know that some people are hard-core “I must buy my crystals from a crystal shop” or “I buy the one that draws me in that day.” And if you’re that person…that’s perfectly fine. I’m not that person.

I DO choose the ones that speak to me (not literally, mind you). But then again, I also buy a lot of times for friends. And sometimes, buy some from the location where they’re sourced.

I actually buy most of my crystals off of Instagram. When I first got into crystals, my friend Beth suggested several pages to follow on Instagram.

The Crystalline Willow: I buy a TON of my stones from Angie. She posts regularly and has quite a collection. Angie is also one that if I’m looking for something in particular, she is happy to keep an eye out for me. She has truly become a friend.

Cote’s Craft: Where Angie posts a set price on her crystals, there are some pages that have auctions. I’m not always great with auctions, because for some reason I let them stress me out. But I just recently won a bid for a beautiful citrine on Sheri’s page. Her starting bids are beyond reasonable and she posts some truly beautiful pieces. 

A tiny Jade Elephant I recently purchased from Spiritual Junkies

Spiritual Junkies:  Another Instagram favorite of mine is Spiritual Junkies.  I have bought a few beautiful bracelets from her.  Recently, I purchased a tiny Jade elephant that I just adore.

The Shiva Lingam stone (the origin of these is only at the Narmada River in Central India).

Shop Love Crystals: The crystals on this page go quickly! But I recently saw a post of a large shiva lingam stone that had already sold. I messaged her and asked if she ever came across another one, would she let me know. She quickly responded that she had the twin to the one that had sold and offered to sell it to me.

My box of bracelets that I've bought from Beth over the past year.

Wildling Artistry: I’ve spoken about her frequently, but Beth is my go-to for my crystal bracelets. However, she also sells crystals! She is local (Ocala), and also sets up once a month in Chiefland. Beth also carries a plethora of products, like Florida Water, and essential oil blends. She has such a neat little shop. Find her at www.wildlingartistry.com!

The Bumble Bee Jasper Ms. Marianne with Mare's Minerals found for me.

Mare’s Minerals: I was SO pleased to find Mrs. Marianne at the Christmas Festival in Chiefland. To know that such a sweet lady, with such an extensive collection (who also does jewelry) lives so close by…well, it made me so happy! Since first meeting her, I have asked her to search for me a Bumble Bee Jasper, and she did. She found one for me! At the festival, I purchased an XL Black Tourmaline (which helps with keeping negative energy away). I love it and it currently resides on my office desk. Ms. Marianne can be found at www.thedragonshoard.net. If you can’t find what you’re looking for, shoot her an email at maresminerals@hughes.net. She is going to be set up at Veg Fest on February 16th at Depot Park in Gainesville, and will be at Heartwood in Gainesville on February 21st.

I hope this helps those that are curious about crystals. As I did, if you are having a certain problem…look up what crystals may be helpful to you. And as always, if you have any specific questions, send me a message or email. I’m happy to help!

Restless

Mandala image found on steemit.com

You guys, the struggle bus has plowed me over this week. 

Not only has it been a week chock-full of crazy at work….but I’m feeling the most restless I’ve felt in a very long time. Nothing suits. I’ll start watching a movie or show….I can’t focus. I’ll start reading my book, and within minutes, I have to set it down…because I don’t want to read. I’ll start listening to a song, and will end up changing it before it’s done…because I’m just not feeling it.

My heart is discontent.

I want to do drastic things; perhaps, to break up the mundane. I want to get my nose pierced. I want to get tattoed. But I also know that making bold decisions during this time might not be in my best interest.

I am longing to be elsewhere. And yet, the destination is unknown. I feel like I’ve been still for far too long. I need to see new things. I need to photograph old barns and red dirt roads and train tracks and new sunsets.

I was supposed to go to Georgia this weekend, which would have helped tremendously, but our trip got postponed.

I won’t lie here, I tried to fill the void with things. I have bought crystals, shirts, and books, all week long. And even though these were things I wanted…they still didn’t fill that void. I suppose that just goes to show that materialistic things can’t make you happy or fill a void.

I’m restless. And perhaps on the verge of a transformation.   

The Call

Image found on wanelo.co

I was driving home. The windows were down; the wind whipping my hair. I was singing along to the radio in an attempt to wind down from the day.

The phone rang. It was him. I answered. I would always answer when he called.

"Come pick me upppp," he slurred.

"What?" I asked.

"Come pick me uppp." He had been drinking. And from the way it sounded, he had been for quite some time that afternoon.

He never drank.

It was 6 p.m. in the evening. How could he be this drunk at 6 p.m. on a Friday? And why?

"Are you drunk?"

"Noooo. I only had one beer."

Right. 

"Where are you?"

"At my house." Why the hell was he calling me from his house? And where was she?

A new song came on. A male group was singing a someone-did-me-wrong song.

"You're with someone! I heard a guy's voice. You're on a date, aren't you?" I could hear in his voice he was upset.

"No! No, that's just the radio. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just thought you were with someone."

"I'm not. I promise."

"Well, I just wanted to talk to you. I miss you." His voice broke.

We talked for a few minutes.

Suddenly, I heard muffled sounds. He got back on the phone, but his tone had changed completely. She must have made it home.

I heard her ask who he was on the phone with. I heard him lie.

I said "You'd better go. I'll talk to you soon," knowing that was a lie.

The instant that I hung up, I knew that would be the last conversation we would need to have. The lines were blurring. He was calling me from his house. The home he shared with her.

Our relationship had carried on for so many years. It was what it was. It would never change. It hurt too much to continue to be a fixture in his life, but never be his life. I could deal with the eternal heartbreak it would bring me. But I could not bear the pain of knowing his heart was breaking on the other end of the phone.

A tear slipped down my cheek.